When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
