Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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