2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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