how can u be prego again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
