dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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