dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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