is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
