I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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