Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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