Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Pooping to opera.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
