I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
