It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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