She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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