i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
