I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
