Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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