decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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