So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize