I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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