I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
being pregnant is like rehab
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
