I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am mentally ready for anal.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
