im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
