my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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