Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
zippers are such a cool invention
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
