He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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