I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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