I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
