Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
