She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This toilet bowl is my home.
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