I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
