He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
