Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
