Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You can't motorboat a personality
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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