well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
