I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
