just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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