so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
