I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
