I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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