I am in a vortex of obligation.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
