Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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