she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
