Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
