Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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