I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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