i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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