I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
