i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I am available for nakedness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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