WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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