yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
