can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
