So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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