he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
