Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
