Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
