As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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