You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
