There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?