If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying