he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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This is my gift to your gina
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.