Are you guys doing anything tonight?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.