no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out