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I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
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