I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
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Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.