It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
