never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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