Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
