You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
