how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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