come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
