I just threw up on my dentist
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
