Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
