the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
40s are totally the cure
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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