I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
