I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
